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just another night  waking up in tears over the state of the world and how there are people out there, right now, dreaming up new ways in which to take our rights away. In the grand scheme of things we haven't even come that far... and they are already dreaming up ways, lobbying, shooting doctors, protesting funerals..and it's just so sad.

Don't make love to me when I want to Fuck.

I think the societal notion that through a physical act you can suddenly feel closer or stronger towards a person is dumb and places uneeded pressures and expectations on something that should be fun.

"making love" is a misnomer.
the term is cheasy as well

You aren't making a damn thing, you cannot 'make love', if your unlike (or lucky depending on your perspectives and goals) you might make a fetus, which could grow into a child and become a person.
Deeper emotional bond through physical contact I like.
But really it's more like expressing an emotional bond.
But I'm still going to want to fuck.
you can have the whole fingers intertwining, lightly stroking shit.. but there has to be fucking involved to.
I am annoyed by this dainty shit.
Now I'm at the interpass wherein I cannot logically expect someone to read my mind.. but at the same time know that if I ask point blank, I will resent them none the less for not telling me on their own.
B_A_D: And I know, this is retarded..... but I also know if i'm an adult and responsible for my own emotions/feelings/responces I need to express them...but if I do that I will still resent the individuals involved because they didn't know enough to tell me something before I asked about it.
B_A_D: This knowledge that I am crazy, and in the wrong is upsetting because generally I have one positive feature. Which is rationality, maturity and being a nice person.
B_A_D: I'm not a nice person now.
B_A_D: I don't like that.
B_A_D: And worst still, no one will like me once they find out.

past past past: be gone for good

There's a window. But it's not the windows fault they are still in my life.

She's out of my life. If she's drowning the life line is there, I'll come back, fix whatever the problem is and go away again. But I made it very clear to her, this life line is just that. So no bull shit. Call, e-mail, text, I will show up. Clean up the mess. And leave. If need be, I will take her to help she doesn't want to receive and leave her with them. But We are not friends. We will likely never be friends until your shit gets sorted, and even then doubtful. Trusting you is impossible and you repeatedly go after me personally. If you need me, I'll be there. but that is it. she understood. She cried a bit, but I was able to leave. I periodically update her with my contact info.

Geek Rage

told my brother etc, feel free to use my ps3 netflix etc i think you'd like it
just please be respectful and be sure to like wash your hands etc when using the controlers
so don't go out eating cheesies/dumping crumbs on it etc.
fucking jam...... blobed and dried on the controller or bbq sauce.
crumbs all over the controller.
I freaked and tried to clean it up. cursing and reminded him I asked the one thing. And now my mother and he are all over my case for being uptight/unreasonable.
40$ controllers are not something I can afford to replace.
My mother's "all well pack it up and put it away when you are done, if you don't want people touching it.
I'm find with them using it. But fucking treat my shit with respect. The issue is not that they touched it. The issue is they fucked with it.
AND FUCKING BBQ sauce and JAM BLOBS... hardened onto the analogue. WTF? That's spilling, touching it with messy hands, realizing it, ignoring it for hours and fucking off. After I specifically mentioned to please keep an eye on it in regards to food etc (because the ps2 he was given on a parental whim, has been ruined with food spills).

 AND THE LAST ps3 I bought was packed away and STOLEN out of my bedroom by him/his friends. I then had to buy a new one, search high and low for a release date model etc.
I don't even have a bedroom here now....

But like I just don't wanna leave my room because i don't want to run into my roommates and deal with whatever is or isnt going on with them.
I don't know what is up, in theory things are all going good but i just have this impending doom feeling. I feel miserable, on edge and just terrible. I feel awkward and unwanted around the house, with my friends, when I go out. I'm worried about any minor slip up, anything at all that will lead me right back to those awful moments dealing with potential eviction or dog issues. The thought of losing my home, losing Party, is constantly running through my head. I cannot shake the feeling that things are only going to get worst.

Anytime I speak with my mother she's talking about dog training shows and how I need to tune in right now and watch what is happening. About how maybe I'd be better off if I rehomed him, etc. No one seems to get that he is not the problem. No one understands how I couldn't do any of this if he wasn't around. I can't deal with living in a house where I feel other peoples contempt, where I'm watching my every step, where I can't relax or rest without worrying about what someone else is doing, not doing, thinking, feeling etc. I don't like living where I feel onguard, where I could easily be thrown out because someone else needs a reason to break the lease. I don't like being a scapegoat. i don't like having my dishes ruined. I don't like dealing with other peoples mess. I hate never being good enough for everyone else.

Fem Fest 2010: Halifax Nov 19th

Fem Fest 2010
Originally uploaded by B_A_Dxxx88
Femfest is a celebration of female artist this year to raise money for Barry House a local shelter. So come out for a great night of music, side show, and dancing!
Starts at 7pm
At the Gorsebrook Saint Mary's University

Performers include
-Miss Molotov
-Shannay Smith
-The Keats
-DJ Goldilocks
-And MORE!

It will be $2 at the door or a quality garment donation

There will be door prizes, and all proceeds raised will go to the Barry House, a local women's shelter

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